All the driving

Oh, when I came to Japan I hoped to never drive again.

I'll be renewing my license next week. Hopefully. If I can fit it in. Fuck, it's a pain

I just drove, what, 5 hours today talking about work, picking up my son from school and taking him to Kumon. Then going to Friday Night Magic and back.


If I can find a job in a city and go full public transportation, or even better, walking, that would be the dream right now.

My brain is melted from all this driving.

Breaking past 2-3

Well, I made some misclicks. And some silly plays. But I am noting them and thinking about them more and I should be able to stop getting 2-3 runs in the Friendly Leagues. I hope? I want to win, but there's a part of me that reads all this competitive stuff and it's like, well, not everyone can win. Someone loses.

And what I kind of hate is getting in the cycle of "Well, am I bad or is my deck choice bad or am I making bad sideboard choices or am I ..."

And I suppose the answer is to do more instead of think more. Or at least think about the right things. Like what exactly do I want to do right now.

That's the sticky wicket.


I do not think I am sleeping well. Perhaps I should see a doctor. I bet they'll say to sleep more? I feel like I am sleeping a good amount, but I just sleep and don't feel like I slept.

Sleep. What a topic.


Trying to keep my calm, but I lost a game of Magic becuase I misclicked. Holy shit. Like, I saw what was going on but my brain was half a second behind my finger and part of me was screaming "No!" but part of me was already clicking the button to fuck myself over.

Well, that is why we practice, right?

0-2 so far in this Friendly League. Need three match wins to get my points back. Fuck.

Stupid Mistakes

Ever think not to do something and then just do it?

I did that today twice on Magic Online. I did some practice Ixalan Sealed for an upcoming PPTQ and I really fucked the horse a couple of times. Ended up going 4-5-0 in the league. Not sweet. But I learned a few things about how colors should go and what I really need to focus on.

Some artifact destruction isn't so bad. Nor is land or enchantment destruction if it gets tacked on to that artifact destruction. Also, pirates can do a lot more in three colors if you get treasures flowing. And make pirates fly.

Fuck, I could have one those games. I originally wrote should, but no, I made a mistake so I should not have won. Let's see if I can keep learn from this for the upcoming PPTQ.

Picking a deck

I played a bunch of Magic today. I stuck with Blue Black Control and... I kind of liked it. Screwed up a few times, but something doesn't quite feel right and I don't know if I want to stick with it for this Standard.

Nothing is sticking out to me this time. Temur Energy is a pain to play against, and there are a whole variety of other control decks that are just slogs. Nothing is getting me excited like in previous Standards. I know the Saheeli Felidar combo was not "healthy" but I did enjoy playing that deck. I've tried Temur Energy. With and without the black splash. None of it is really doing it for me right now.

Not sure where to turn.

Customer Support

I make and sell apps. Mostly games. Sometimes there's a bug and I fix it. Hooray. I just got something from someone having an issue where one of my apps on the macOS App Store keeps reinstalling for them.

I have no idea how to answer this.

I know the App Store is a bit... of an issue. Far from perfect, let's say. But now I've got some unfortunate user thinking that I have an app that is constnatly trying to reinstall itself (i.e, malware) when there might just be some little bug on Apple's side.

This is going to be... fun.


I feel like I am going in circles as of late. Many Fridays as of late I have just had the sudden realization of "Wait, it's Friday? Seriously?

Not that I am complaining, because weekends are cool. Except well, my weekend schedules are so haphazard as of late that there is something soothing about the rigorous schedule of the work-week even though I would prefer to not be at work.


I started making another game. I don't know why I haven't touched EPIC as of late other than I am not feeling “”motivated”” to do it. Now of course, as someone who just makes games as a hobby motivation is a weird beast. I want to finish the game but I don't have a timeline for it. So maybe that is what I need to do. I want to implement X feature by day Y. Yeah, that sounds good.

But I have another idea for a short little game so I want to pump it out. Maybe getting back into the development cycle at all will help me get back to the bigger projects.

Purple Monitor

My monitor's purple now.

It had an issue where it would shake back and forth until it "warmed up". But now it is purple. It is an old monitor that I got for a good price. But it takes all sorts of inputs. VGA, HDMI, RCA, S-video. All sorts of shit.

There are probably "good" monitors that do what I want, but I don't feel like looking for one.

I just don't feel like doing anything.


Four classes first through fourth period today. All the students wouldn't shut up. I just want to teach. I am truly at my limits for this job. But searching for something else is so hard.

I coded a bit of ADITL in Unity. A Windows/macOS release might get some more atttention. We shall see.

Three decks

I made three decks this weekend. Standard, Modern and Legacy.

I played in several tournaments this weekend. They did not go well.

I am feeling frustrated right now with the game. I am sure I am making mistakes, but I feel like my land drawing has been all over the place. You have heard this story before.

So I feel stuck. Like in life in general I guess. Not exactly a happy place to be. But that is where I am right now. I don’t know what to do. I really feel like I am spinning my wheels in so many areas.


Look at the clock. I didn't have anything to write today. Played Magic, poorly. But hey, learning. I think. I dunno. I need to let the game relax me, not stress me out.
Tomorrow is going to be a birthday party for someone plus a proxy Legacy Event. So I put together a goofy deck and let's have some fun.


After a long day of watching my son and doing translation, I found myself just organizing Magic cards. I put a few decks together to try out over the next few days.

It was relaxing.

I have been writing a lot recently about how stuck I have felt. Perhaps I have not given myself enough time to just unpack and repack to get everything in order.

It's not just about the cards, perhaps.

Big Mouth

Netflix suggested Big Mouth to me and having watched the ten episodes... I'm not entirely sure who it's for.

Although it features kids going through the harrowing stages of puberty, it takes it at such an adult tone. (Seriously, one of the "Hormone Monsters" rips off the head of an NPR host and then skull-fucks it. Or at least claims to have. You do see the decapitated head, though.

The show is gross, but it is not without it's decent points. It touched on some of the subtleties of sexuality at such a young age. Questioning one’s sexuality. (I grew up in an era where the “common wisdom” was “If you have to ask if you're gay, then you're gay.” Which I just can't agree with.) Dealing with overly pushy partners. Dealing with one’s sexuality and urges while not trying to ruin things with those who are close to you or want to be close to you.

It was a bit of a mess, but so is puberty.

I can't say I liked it all that much. I think Netflix has offered better animation and shows in general. But it was an interesting topic to tackle and I’d probably watch another season. Although I’m not eagerly awaiting one.

Write, dammit

I don't feel like writing. I don't know what I'd write about. Somehow I have avoided playing games all this week. I had the time to do it. I just didn't. I didn't. I could have but I didn't. It is so weird. I do not know why. I am just writing now so I can check off a box that said I wrote. Even though I do not feel like writing. Maybe in a few weeks seeing that check will make me happy.

That'd be nice.

I would walk 36 kilometers

I went to Grand Prix Shizuoka this weekend. That is not close to where I live, but it's also not too far away. So I took the slow train Friday morning, did some translation work, really had to pee at one point, got to Shizuoka, dropped off my bag at my AirBNB, thought about the perils of run on sentences, then walked to the event.

The AirBNB host offered me a bicycle to use, but that made me uncomfortable. I did not want to be responsible for something that wasn't mine.

Many taxis drove past me. I thought about hailing them. But I didn't want to be that guy who is so fancy that he can take a taxi places.

So I walked. And checking my iPhone it says I walked 36 kilometers over the whole weekend. Part of that was probably just wandering the venue.

So I wonder. If I walked roughly thirteen kilometers every day, what would that do to my body? Would I be "fit"? Would I be happy? I probably wouldn't feel this pain that I am feeling now.

My feet hurt.

Did you read the magazine Wizard? I loved their letter section. One time they printed a letter that was nothing but "My toe hurts." They replied with some snark about them having problems but not complaining about them.

Okay, cliche. And who knows if that letter was actually written to them or not. But the idea that they get tons of thoughtful, well-written letters and decide to print one that only says "My toe hurts." was so fucking funny to me.

Every single time my foot or a toe hurts I think about that letter. And I laugh internally. It's a stupid memory, but a great one. That's nice though. I am glad that is part of me.

I was so exhausted from the walking and going back to work that I slept the entirety of Monday afternoon until Tuesday morning. I even slept for way too damn long Tuesday afternoon. And I ended up missing writing for this blog. Fuck. Oh well. I guess it doesn't matter that much. I do this blog to write because a part of be desires writing. So here it is.

And I’m talking about my feet.


I need to write my daily blog post. I have nothing to say othe than I am tired.

And I had two kabab sandwiches today. They were yummy. I ordered the "spicy" one but I think they forgot the spice. But it was still good meat. Super tasty meat.

I lost a lot of games of Magic. It happens. I'm going to need more practice. I think I learned some things.

I hope I did.

Trading terrors

I play Magic. I am not in in to make money. Some people are. I wasn't in the main event at the Fall Grand Prix Shizuoka 2017, so I was wandering around the side events waiting for one I wanted to play in to start.

A few Japanese people asked me to trade. They would point to cards in my folder, and I had a rough idea what they would sell for in a store, but I knocked down the price a bit becasue trading. They nodded. Then they would close my binder, say thanks and leave.

I only ended up trading with three other foreigners.

One is a guy I ran into before at another Grand Prix. He wanted a few things I had, and I grabbed some stuff. It was cool

At the end of the day, before I left, this guy asked me where I was from. I said America. He asked if I could "move" some Foreign Black Bordered Fourth edition lands. I said that's not my deal. He asked to see my binder.

He looked, asked some prices, I said. He seemed confused. At some point he asked me something and I mentioend that I lived in Japan. He thought I was a serious trader who was in Japan to trade and make money. Not me. He did see a few things he wanted that I was not going to use, so I grabbed a few cards that I could use.

Then another guy asked to see my binders. This guy was serious. His binder was full of Power 9, dual lands and other expensive cards in multiples. I flipped through and said "Well, all I really need is an Underground Sea. How much for a beat one?" I don't care about quality as long as it's playable.

So he pulled out two beat Underground Seas, told me the price and said I could pick the one I preferred. Same price. Then he went through my binder at a blistering speed, pulling out stuff and saying prices. It was quite intimidating. But he managed to grab enough stuff that I was never going to use and it totaled how much he thought the Underground Sea was worth. So I got a roughly $300 card for a bunch of stuff I pulled out of packs I bought as tournament fees or won as prizes. Not bad.

But the way these guys (both from Europe, but I think it's more about how serious traders they are than their homeland) acted was kind of... jarring. It was just so fast, no nonsense, just "This is what I'll offer you. If you don't like it, whatever."

I got what I want and don't feel like I got ripped off. But I feel weird. It was just so serious. But hey, I ended up with four expensive cards that I will use and dumped a bunch of stuff that has been rotting away in my binder.

Who can complain?

A fear

I made a "gaming rig" earlier this year. My idea was to stream a lot.

I've barealy streamed.

I don't know why but I'm afraid to. It's stupid, but when I sit down to stream I get this "Do you think you should be doing this?" Then I don't. It's a weird feeling because I talk in front of people for my job. Playing games poorly on the Internet, and I don't get many viewers when I do stream, isn't much of a thing.

And yet for some reason I am terrified of streaming. I have no idea why. I want to play games. And setting up the stream is barely any work at this point. But I don't do anything. I don't know why.

What makes a person feel like they want to do it and then have another part of them prevent themselves from doing the thing they want to do?

Humans are stupid.

Drawn blood

Annual health check today. I'm thirty five this year, though, so that means they have to check my blood.

I nearly got sick.

I hate it, but it's the reaction I have. I got pale. People kept asking if I was okay. I was hoenest. I tend to pass out when blood is drawn. I get light headed and boom. They scheduled the blood taking last and I laid down for what felt like a long time.

I should have looked at my watch.

I am not sure if I passed out or not, but I feel like I had my hand over my eyes, blocking the light for quite some time. I vaguely remember being checked on once. Twice? I am not sure. They put a blanket over me at some point. I was laying on basically a bench. High tech stuff. Well, it had cushions and a mat for people who need to lie down to have their blood taken.

Embarrassing? Kind of. I cannot control this though. It has happened every single time I have had blood taken since... high school? Just the thought of it gets me woozy. They even retook my blood pressure because I think it was off due to me freaking out before the blood being drawn? Or maybe something about the blood pressure says I am actually okay.

It is all in my head. But damn, the brain is powerful.